Kate Middleton needn’t panic about her impending labour or looking after a royal little one, as help is at hand in the form of a hilarious new book entitled What To Expect When One is Expecting: A Posh Person’s Guide To Pregnancy And Parenting.
The book, which will be released on 6 June, has been penned by the anonymous author of the Pippa Middleton spoof Twitter account ‘@PippaTips‘.
When Pippa launched her debut ‘guide to entertaining’ earlier this year, PippaTips was created to offer a bunch of handy (but blindingly obvious) tips for cooking and crafting – and this new pregnancy how-to book offers just as many giggles.
The author tells us: “Getting published is one of the best ways for people to be able to buy the book that you have written. It came to my attention that we were in the middle of a baby boom, so what better time for me to write a complete guide to pregnancy, babies and parenting? Though families have struggled through in the past without my help, with my new guide having a baby in your life has never been easier or more enjoyable!”
Megalolz. Here are our a few exclusive extracts from the book. Enjoy, Duchess!
*At one week, your baby is the size of a speck of chestnut flour. At this stage, it’s best to avoid letting people know you’re pregnant. You can do this by not mentioning it. Handy excuses to explain why you’re not drinking Bollinger or eating sashimi: ‘This shellfish isn’t sustainably sourced’ ‘I prefer PETA-approved foie gras’ ‘Thank you, no, I’m eating at the palace later’ ‘I’m hungover’.
* At two weeks, your baby is the size of a two-week-old embryo. You may need to take supplements. I recommend The Sunday Times Style and ES Magazine.
* Morning sickness is best avoided by sleeping until the afternoon.
* At three weeks, your baby is the size of an incredibly tiny truffle. It’s important that for both you and baby that you stick to a strict regime of eating, drinking and breathing every day, even at this early stage.
* During pregnancy you need more iron, so ensure your housekeeper is on hand to rid your silk garments of creases.
What To Expect When One is Expecting: A Posh Person’s Guide to Pregnancy and Parenting from the creator of @Pippatips, published 6 June 2013 by Icon Books.
By Rebecca Martin, 10th April 2013
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