13 Problems Every Coffee Addict Knows Too Well

1. When we’re sitting next to someone on the tube who’s thoughtlessly cradling their coffee in front of you.  

The SMELL is intoxicating. It’s selfish, really. They’re just rubbing it in our faces.

And the internal struggle not to rugby tackle it out of their hand is the realest. 

2. Someone should really make a coffee scented perfume.

(Trademarking that idea as we type…) 

3. There’s no better feeling than warm, smooth coffee hitting the back of our throat. 

And we just don’t care how weird that might sound.  

4. The Twilight effect

You know it. We totally get how Edward felt around Bella.

Just put a polystyrene cop of joe next to us and watch us squirm…

5. Pret giving us a free coffee on a Monday morning 
is better than sex. 

We’re not ashamed. 

6. Coffee cures everything. 

Hangover? Flu? Break-up blues? 

Nothing seems as bad when we’ve got a frothy Latte in our hands. 

7. Don’t utter the word ‘decaffeinated’ around us. 

You might as well have just punched us in the face, tbh.  

8. Instant? 

If we’re slurping on an instant cuppa, it’s desperate times. 

9. The headaches. 

If we don’t get a decent coffee before mid-day, we might as well just give up on the day and go back to bed. 

Those withdrawal migraines don’t muck about you know. 

10. Our local barista knows us too well. 

Our name. Our order. Our morning routine. Our mood. 

11. We’re a cheap date. 

‘Can I take you out for a coffee?’ – most romantic sentance, possibly, ever. 

12. The hollow sound of putting down an empty coffee cup… 

…Breaks our heart a little more each time. 

13. Coffee is a necessity, not a luxury. 

No matter how broke we might be, there’ll always be a way to fund a daily coffee. Because, sanity. 

By Laura Jane Turner