Blur’s best album ever, we hear you say? But didn’t their discography peak with Parklife? Turns out, not at all. In fact, their latest offering The Magic Whip (rumoured to be drawing inspiration from 50 Shades*) not only contains lyrics about wanting to be a spaceman, it also features an entire song about ice cream vans.
*This may or may not be true.
Glitter jelly heels, platform shoes and those spiral laces that you didn’t have to tie
Sure, so there’s a lot to be said for this season’s sneakers (mostly about the sudden sensation of blood flowing back to your little toe for the first time in two decades). But there’s no disputing the fact that footwear circa ’95 was strong. After all, it doesn’t matter what your school uniform is when you can dress like a Spice Girl from the ankles down.
Upgrading your walkman to a discman, and using it exclusively to play Now 29
We’re not going to mention minidisks, because we know it’s a sore subject for the 10 per cent of the population who genuinely believed they’d stumbled upon something revolutionary in the electrical section of the Argos catalogue.
Clothes that were either really, really big, or really, really small
Thanks to the all-powerful influences of All Saints, B*Witched and some guy in the head office of Tammy Girl clutching a neon scented gel pen and a sketchbook, half of the ‘90s were spent wearing camouflage pants so big you could use them as a tent on your Duke of Edinburgh Award Bronze expedition. The other half was spent wearing crop tops so small you could see your triangle-cut training bra out the bottom.
Furniture that gradually deflated in the corner of your bedroom
Who needs IKEA flatpacks when you can build your own armchair using the power of your breath alone? Inflatable furniture was all fun and games until you accidentally sat down with your house keys in your pocket. Or you woke up to find your sofa resembling a melted-down snowman in the middle of your bedroom floor, and you had to spend 45 minutes dunking it in the bathtub to try and find the hole.
Dressing up like a rainbow-unicorn-Christmas-tree thing, all in the name of fashion
Whoever it was who decided to create butterfly clips IN THE SHAPE OF ACTUAL BUTTERFLIES should win a prize. And then they should throw it in the bin. Because even insect-themed hair accessories, hair mascara or those roller-ball glitter sticks don’t compare to the genius business idea of paying £15.49 for a Claire’s Accessories assistant to bore a small hole in the nail of your index finger, hook an earring through it and call it a legititmate piercing.
The hope that your Beanie Babies would be worth something, someday…
…And subsequently freaking out when your mum pulls the tag off by mistake.