1. After years of resistance and a brief moment of complete insanity, you decide it may be time to sign up to * inhales sharply * THE GYM
The power of the donut has been too strong for too long
2. It all gets a little more serious after you book a gym induction. Time for the personal pep talks
It’s not too late to turn back, right?
3. Spending the whole morning before the induction wondering… “What does one wear to the gym?” you wouldn’t know… you’ve never been before
LOOK HINT: It’s not entirely like the Eric Prydz video
4. The induction has begun and the gym instructor is just shouting random gym terms at you. What’s inclining? What’s resistance? What is this again?
Wait, this is in English, right?
5. Hoping and praying to the gym gods that you have a friend that is a member at the same gym, help me, mother me…save me
6. Finally using the equipment and having to stare at everyone else because you didn’t really listen to the gym instructor in your induction ☹ ☹
Why can’t you retain just one bit on information brain? Why?
Wondering if people think you’re creeping on them for the above reason. I’m new at this I promise
I’m not a weirdo I swear, I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING
8. OK so you are finally using the equipment, but of course you have to be standing beside what appears to be a professional athlete
How long will it take ME to look like HER?
9. Wishing you brought a bigger bottle of water (who knew the back of your neck gets THAT sweaty?)
Is there anything more than maximum protection deodrant? Like maximum, maximum?
10. Ten minutes on the treadmill done out of the planned (and ambitious) 30 minutes… That’s enough for the day – baby steps and all
Time for a nap and a LARGE glass of wine
11. Getting off to clean the machine and being convinced you’re walking funny. Can people see this? Is this real?
*Tries to act normal* *fails*
12. FInally leaving, feeling sweaty but slightly happy – WHAT IS THIS BUZZ?
WHAT? Endorphins are real? We thought they made this up!
….and before you know it, the addiction BEGINS
By Megan Wiseman