In yet another hard-hitting analysis of modern life, I’m looking at what your most-used emoji says about you. If you don’t have a smartphone or refuse to use emojis as some form of protest against how reliant we have become on these tiny images as a means of communication, then I apologise. This is not for you.
My favourite is the gremlin face, which, if you type it in online you will notice that the correct term for this emoji is “Japanese Ogre”. I think that this emoji means that I’m a little bit creepy because it has an aggressive smile, like someone begging you to love them. Notice I didn’t give it a gender because it is just an emoji, after all.
1. Faces and people
Most common: The kissing face, the (new) eye rolling face, the cry-laughing face and the sassy girly holding one arm out like she’s holding a tray.
Faces mean that you’re keeping it classic and old-school. It’s a step up from emoticons on the old Nokia 360, but at the same time you like to keep it simply with your emojis.
I like the kissing face because it can at once symbolise affection for someone, and also ‘kiss my ass’ if someone is irritating you.
The sassy tray-holding girl is great because I take her as the emoji-embodiment of the ‘female boss’ that Tulisa from N-Dubz was always talking about. The user of this emoji doesn’t suffer fools, is busy with life but balances everything with a jaunty smile.
Most common: The three monkeys (see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil), the cute frog and the panda.
I’m a big fan of those monkeys to express my emotions. For cheekiness, the speak no evil guy. For embarrassment, I use see no evil money.
The monkeys have mainstream appeal and can be applied to almost every situation. You probably use at least one, or a combination of the three, every day of your life, which means you probably feel some form of shame or cheekiness every single day. For me it’s usually the former, but keep living your life to the cheekiest.
3. Food and drink
Most common: the beer, the wine glass, cocktails, the taco (naughty) and the eggplant (also naughty).
A lot of the food emojis have been connected with some seriously weird-sounding naughty texts, which I suppose makes sense with the eggplant. On the other hand, don’t manipulate a taco like that.
You say you love the wine glass? I hear you! I’m all about the new champagne popping bottle, and the red wine glass. You’ve got your priorities right and you aren’t even just living for the weekend anymore, because since when did the working week stop you from popping bottles?
Most common: The toilet, the flying money, the balloon, the exploding confetti.
There’s a fair few of the emojis in this section that are associated with parties and celebration, so if you use the balloon a lot then I suppose you’re living life to the fullest and having a grand old time.
Alternatively if you, like me, use the toilet emoji way more than necessary, then start to question how much of an over-sharer you are.
5. Shady moon face
Much like the sassy girl holding her arm up, you don’t really mince your words. The shady moon face lets the recipient know when they are being insulted, but does so in a playful way. It’s like when “LOL JK” was irritatingly present in our digital vernacular about 5 years ago.
Shady moon face also conveys annoyance, so if you’re the recipient of some shade, you can send it right back with the moon.
You have a lot of love to give and you give it via texts, all day every day. Hearts are relatively self-explanatory and can most likely be attributed to someone who also really enjoys the unicorn emoji because both are whimsical and sweet. Keep spreading that love, the world can’t always be full of shady moon faces.
7. Smiley poop
I think that this, like the gremlin face, has something slightly creepy about it. I guess this could be used in a literal sense, or it could just mean something is bad. I don’t really know what to say about the person who uses this emoji the most, but I would like to meet them and ask them a lot of questions about their life.
Why is there even a smiling pile of faeces available? More importantly, why is it so happy? What does it know that we don’t?
If you like to get creative with your emojis and create a story, then this could mean one of two things. Either you are a creative, playful person, and you like to have fun with language. Alternatively, this could mean that you have lost your grasp of traditional language (in my case English).
Ultimately, the question remains: why are there two camel emojis?