This year’s Edinburgh Fringe is almost over, however the best jokes from this year’s shows have been rounded up. A panel of ten judges each nominated their five favourite lines from the 25-day comedy festival, which were then voted on by 2,000 people.
Here are the results.
1. “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans-free”
– Darren Walsh
2. “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West”
– Stewart Francis
3. “Surely every car is a people carrier?”
– Adam Hess
4. “What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter”
– Masai Graham
5. “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go”
– Dave Green
6. “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.”
– Mark Nelson
7. “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day”
– Tom Parry
=8. “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves”
– Alan Cochrane
=8. “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle”
– Simon Munnery
10. “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for…”
– Grace The Child
Read our interview with Fringe-favourite comedian Mae Martin on making it in stand-up.