Thoughts Every Girl Has When Staying At A Guy’s House For The First Time

Your house is gross, lets go to mine.

There’s wine in the fridge? Yours sounds good.

Hmm, is sleeping naked a step too far?

Imagine if I whipped out my pj’s, he’d think I was a psychopath haha.

Funny that I considered packing them. He’ll never know. It’s fine.

I hope I’m not letting on that I planned this ‘spontaneous’ night by having my toothbrush, face wipes, phone charger, a fresh pair of underwear and an entire new outfit in my bag

Don’t really want acne, then again I’m not taking my makeup off before bed, I mean, I want to see him again…. Sacrifices must be made.

If I wait till he’s asleep and put my headphones in, he wont hear the alarm I set 15 minutes earlier than his so I can sort out my hair/face/generally make my self not look like a 2 out of 10.

I hope he’s not too upset that I’ve had 98% of the covers for the entire night.

Why isn’t he spooning me right now, that’s the only reason I came.

Oh lord, have I dribbled on his pillow?

And do I have sleep in my eyes… gross.

If I slide out of the bed without moving the covers he’ll never know about my morning makeup routine.

Oh, Christ, I’ve dropped my phone. Play it cool, play it cool.

Right, he’s awake, just say you’re going to the toilet and pray he falls back asleep.

Yes. He’s snoring again. Made it to the bathroom. Totally winning at life.

He doesn’t have an en suite. There is a god.

Ok, lets not go overboard here, even boys know that no one wakes up with perfect lipstick.

Maybe scrap the lipstick, lets just top up the mascara and bronzer.

Hmm, a bit of concealer never hurt. The bags under my eyes are tragic, I need to start going to bed earlier.

Looking like a true natural beauty. Nailed it.

Just a spritz of perfume.

How long have I been in here!? Oh no, he’s going to think I’m doing a poo.

I do actually need a wee.

WHAT NO TOILET PAPER!!?

Every. Time. God hates me.

Lucky I am a GENIUS and brought a packet of tissues because I knew this would happen. Mwuhaha.

Ok, tiptoe back into the room and slide into the bed. You are a ninja.

Carefully position your hair so it’s lying perfectly over your shoulder, sleeping beauty style.

When he sees me looking THIS perfect he is totally going to want to marry me

He’s awake, I look great. YES.

Can we both accept that morning breath is a thing and just not kiss each other right now. Thanks.

So are you going to get me a coffee or…..?

Also, what’s for breakfast…?

Oh, you don’t usually eat breakfast.

Would you look at the time. Probably best I get going, got such a busy day ahead.

What’s the general goodbye etiquette, are we going to kiss right now, or…?

Oh god, he’s gone for a kiss, I’ve gone for a hug, now we are doing that creepy hug, kiss limbo. This is the stuff of nightmares.

Where is the door!?

Go! Get out of there. Save yourself.

Well, that was painful. Hope I never have to do that again.

Gabrielle Dyer

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