Hooray. We finally have a heat wave and it’s time to bust out all those awesome summer clothes we’ve been squirreling away since, ooh, April?
All those amazing paisley print bardot tops, those skimpy shorts – at last, now we have the weather to shake our money-makers without feeling horrendously underdressed, causing the old timers outside the Post Office to make those embarrassing wolf whistles that make EVERYONE on the street do a double-take.
Only. Come on. Sometimes, fashion just doesn’t play ball does it? That epic seasonal wardrobe can easily backfire when the weather is particularly blistering and you’ve misjudged the situation horrendously.
Here’s some of the most common summer fashion fails:
Yep, those leather shorts may make you feel like a Kardashian, only, it’s 30 some odd degrees and your backside is basically cooking like a foil wrapped chicken. A sweaty foil wrapped chicken. With chafing.
As much as we like getting our tootsies out, there is nothing more gross than ‘city feet’, i.e. stepping out on filthy pavements that carry more garbage than a pigeon can shake a stick at. Plus, those disgusting instep marks in your shower basin? And don’t even get us started on the dirt underneath your toenails…
That 7am dilemma – what to wear to work. Especially if you’ve fudged up your bus time and have had to run to make it (bad times), then have to sit freezing in an air-conditioned office in your sweat-drenched clothes, warming your hands on a cup of free tea. Why is there NEVER a happy balance? Why?
How many times have you flashed a colleague/friend’s boyfriend/bus stranger because your dress is too short and you’ve worn the most outrageously incorrect underwear? Too many times to count.
5. Denim Shorts
As much as we try and channel our inner Mossy by rocking a slick denim cutoff, there comes a point where you have to sit down, whether it’s at a mate’s BBQ or on public transport of some kind. Nothing ever quite prepares you for those scar like red ridges a pair of denim shorts will leave behind. In fact, sometimes it’s so bad you’d swear a tiger had attacked you. But it’s worth it right?
6. Lace Up Sandals/Gladiators
Oh, how we swooned when the ghillie style flats and sandals hit our high streets back in the spring. What they should come with is an environmental message warning you NOT to wear them in direct sunlight – unless you want tan lines that make your legs look like a bowl of Shreddies.
Of course. Wearing all this chunky gold jewellery in silly heat is going to make me look like some Ibiza-chic goddess. No, it just leaves you with third degree burns.
When you aren’t leaving them at your mums/on a bus/in a mate’s car, you are trying to either remove them from your hair (ouchy), or are pushing back up onto the bridge of your nose so violently that you’ve given yourself a rather unsightly red friction mark. Attractive.
9. Maxi Dresses
It’s only when you get home and lift your skirts that you realize you accrued a day’s worth of litter underneath that floaty peasant number. Who needs street sweepers anyways?
10. Bardot Tops
Do I wear a bra? Do I not wear a bra? Oh, hang on, I have a strapless one. Happy days. Fast forward to a few hours later and you realize you’ve been walking around with the strapless bra swinging around your waist. Minus 100 sexy points.
It attracts heat. FAIL
It gets covered in insta-tan. FAIL
Sweat marks anyone? FAIL