1. ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, just get AWAY from me.’
Your enjoyment of nightly companionship totally changes with the wind. Literally.
In the winter months, you’re all about the cuddles. It’s pretty much an internal scream of ‘WARM ME’ as you snuggle up so closely to the other person that you may as well just be on top of them. And in some cases, you probably are.
But come summer, it’s a whole different ball game. As you lay there, a river running down your face, you’ll be desperately trying to put as much distance between the two of you. And even the slightest of skin grazes will throw you over the edge.
2. ‘Oh gosh, the morning breath…’
You’ll either be clambering to get away from theirs, or clambering for your toothbrush to hide yours.
3. ‘OH NO. What was that noise? PLEASE say it didn’t come from me…’
Night time farts = the horror is real.
Sometimes, when you’re all relaxed, you just can’t control everything.
4. ‘Where art thou, brush?’
Bed hair is a real problem for the AM.
And you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and it’s: ‘Good Lord, get me a comb. Stat.’
We’re not all Disney Princesses, after all.
5. ‘When will the snoring end?’
Sometimes a good elbow in the ribs is the only way to go.
P.S. We don’t condone violence.
6. ‘WTF is that breeze? OH.’
If they’re a duvet hogger, move on. You just don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
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7. ‘I’m going to throw that alarm at the wall in a minute.’
Unless you both have to get up in unison (and how often is life that perfectly planned?) there’s bound to be some tension…
8. ‘Funnily enough, I do not want to hear all about your rant about your annoying workmate Steve at 2am.’
When you hit the hay at different times, and your bed partner comes bowling in and wants to chat to you after you’ve been snoozing peacefully for two hours already… It’s a risk.
9. ‘OUCH. ICK. EW.’
All the thoughts related to the hazards of sharing a bed.
If your partner is a figit, flailing limbs may result in accidental smacking of the face. Nose bleeds may also be a problem.
And don’t even get us started on the scratching of long toe nails.
10. ‘What are you going on about? Do shut up.’
Ever shared a bed with a sleep talker? You know the drill.
11. ‘But I’m smaller than you, I should be little spoon…’
The age-old argument. If you find a solution, be sure to let us know.
By Laura Jane Turner