We’ve all done it. You break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and after months of admitting you’re like, totally over it, you still can’t help stalk their Facebook profile. C’mon who hasn’t had a peak to see if there’s any signs of a new girlfriend on the scene? Or that perhaps his recent non-smiling picture of himself on a night out is a sign that he truly heartbroken still?
Well now, in a recent study published by Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, they’ve shown whose more likely to Facebook stalk their ex. The study surveyed 431 people between the ages of 18 and 42 about their recently dissolved relationships, how the breakups happened, and their post-relationship Facebook surveillance (code for: stalking) habits.
The results showed that you’re more likely to stalk an ex if the breakup was more distressing, or you had been broken up with. Makes sense.
But what makes a breakup more distressing? According to the research, it’s whether you were more “anxiously attached” to your partner during your relationship.
How do you know if you’re anxiously attached in the first place? Indicators such as needing constant reassurance that your partner loves you and getting frustrated when your partner isn’t available when you need them is up there.
So it seems understandable they’d look for ressasurance even when the relationship has ended. And, as it’s been reported, the key to a healthy relationship is to defriend your partner on Facebook anyway…
Gone are the days where you’re only contactable on a landline telephone and probably only see a new love interest once or twice a week.
These days, you can see what your partner is doing pretty much around the clock, and with the simple posting of a status or the liking of an Instagram snap, you could find yourself in the middle of an argument. Yikes.
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Don’t get us wrong, we’re totally in love with social media and all of the wonderful viral sensations it brings. But many are left wondering whether it should be kept a relationship-free zone.
And that’s precisely what one expert advises.
The relationship councillor from New York city has come to the conclusion that unfriending your spouse could actually be the mystical key to a happy relationship. But probably not for the reason you might think.
Speaking with PRI.org, Ian Keller detailed just how much modern technology has changed the face of relationships: “So often, couples are really having side-by-side conversations — they’re not having direct face-to-face conversations because they’re also on an iPhone or a gadget… In couples therapy, sometimes that’s the only time that they’re actually having a real, genuine face-to-face conversation.”
See: The Other Side – Why Facebook PDA Is Great For A Relationship
He then revealed: “I realised for a little while with my own wife that I didn’t really want her to be my friend on Facebook. I didn’t want all of that extra information. If anything, I wanted less information – I wanted more mystery and more unpredictability.
“I didn’t want to know that she was posting about being tired or having her third coffee for the day. So I specifically unfriended her during my brief tenure on Facebook. It’s something that I do recommend to couples.
“There’s something about being in a relationship where you want some unknowningness and some unpredictability.”
We can see the merit in it. It’s almost like stepping back to those times of having no choice but to phone or arrange a face-to-face date to catch up on each other’s lives.
But, on the other hand, we would totally understand how you’d feel upset at the virtual rejection from your partner…
So. Would you give it a go?
By Laura Jane Turner