1) Money? What’s money?
You spend approximately 86% of your wage on rent. The rest goes on TFL, £14 cocktails and drunken late night Ubers.
When you try to explain the cost of living to your Northern friends, they look at you with abject horror.
2) Nipping to see your pal in East Fichley takes approximately three hours
Getting from one side of London to the other looks easy on the Tube map, right?
Nope. You’re basically trekking to Mordor.
3) You do have the best nights out. With so much choice!
You’re not just limited to that one sticky-floored club in your hometown anymore.
And thank GOD there’s no chance of bumping into your school boyfriend down the local Wetherspoons.
4) The night bus is always filled with, um, interesting characters
Where are they during the day? Seriously?
5) That teeny under-the-breath laugh everyone does when the Tube driver makes a vaguely comical comment
Of course, you still don’t look each other in the eye.
6) People who don’t stand on the right, walk on the left are the spawn of Satan
Obviously, the best way to deal with them is with heavy sighing and eye-rolling.
7) You’re amazed by how late the shops stay open
Need to pop to Topshop after work? No problem! It’s kinda dangerous.
8) But Oxford Street is a total no-go
Once a road of dreams, now the most stressful place you can imagine.
9) You wouldn’t be caught dead at certain tourist traps
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Let’s be honest, nobody who lives in London would ever think: ‘Oh, what a great day to visit M&M’s World!’
10) You feel like Queen of the world when you get to sit at the front of DLR
You’re, like, DRIVING the train.
11) There are always new things to discover
And plenty of pop-ups to check out.
12) You spend the whole time complaining about London life
That stereotype of Londoners being miserable didn’t come from nowhere.
13) But deep down, you know there’s no place quite like it
You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.