There’s a profound and perverse pleasure hearing about people, that are romantically engaged, in an awkward situations; especially when they’re live-tweeted. Car-crash dates are the lifeblood of that First Dates show because, deep down, we want to know that some people’s dating lives are worse off than our own.
But then you hear about these dates from hell and they inspire sympathy. What’s interesting about most of these stories is that they’re never particularly dramatic, they just tend to involve real-life people that you can’t believe are among us.
Twitter user Kelly Fine overhead the most obnoxious, arrogant and caricature-like man in the world break every dating faux-pas on an astronomical scale. So naturally she live-tweeted it.
The story begins like this…
Already this is off to the worst start. Who doesn’t look at menus?! How entitled do you have to be to think that you know a restaurant’s food better than the people that make it?
We’re going to give you the narrative highlights across the story with colour commentary because, firstly, it’s a really long tale and secondly, it’s worth reading from top to bottom on Kelly’s Twitter.
So second strike: this guy is rude to waiting staff. That’s like dating etiquette 101, how can you expect anyone to like you if you treat restaurant staff any worse than you treat your date. Honestly.
Did you not hear him? (I bet they did because we’re imagining this guy to be really loud) HE DOESN’T LOOK AT MENUS… for some reason.
And the record for ‘quickest sexist assumption to hard-evidence backing our judgement’ goes to this spanner, congratulations.
Kelly updated us that this was not a first date. She has a ring on but he doesn’t. It seems more likely that they’re friends more than anything at least that’s what we want to believe.
Anyway, the dining experience continues.
So not only is he categorically wrong, he’s also the rudest man in the world. This guy can’t honestly exist, right? Like, we know he does but who in their right mind would stand for this kind of behaviour?
Kelly learns that the man’s name is Tony and when the restaurant owner comes over, he asks why they don’t have any Giant Clam in the kitchen? (It’s because giant clam has been a vulnerable species for over 30 years).
The conversation is numbing from this point on. Tony then ‘introduces’ himself to a cigarette outside. The date ends. The world takes a sigh of relief.