1. You won’t lose any weight for your troubles
Because you’ll be binge-eating Domino’s and chain-eating chocolate.
Just to get through it.
2. You won’t save any money, either
Apart from eating your way through your bank balance, you’ll also treat yourself to one-too-many new tops.
And those ankle boots you’ve had your eyes on for a month now.
3. You may just find yourself coming down with flu
And you’ll definitely blame the lack of alcohol.
SEE? WE NEED THE GOODNESS OF RED WINE.
4. You start thinking about wine at very strange times
On the loo.
First thing in the morning.
Walking the dog.
We don’t ever drink wine at these times usually, so WHY NOW?
5. Your friends start to resemble glasses of wine
6. You can almost convince yourself that non-alcoholic wine tastes good
For anyone that’s tried non-alcoholic wine, we did say almost.
7. On the plus side, you realise that weekend mornings do exist
Who’d have thought it?
8. You know that February will be a better month, regardless of what happens in January
Glass half full and all that. Yup, we just thought of a wine glass too.
9. You realise that soft drinks have come a long way since you were a kid
Enter, Elderflower. It’s not just about orange squash and panda pop anymore.