Please No! We’re Heading For A Global Chocolate Shortage

What’s the worst thing you can say to us on a Monday morning?

“Can I see you for a minute…” From our boss?

Nope.

“You missed the best party Saturday night… Leo was there.”

Nope.

“You look tired…”

Nope.

None of the above can beat the absolute worst words you never, ever want to hear on a Monday morning: chocolate shortage.

But these two horrible little words were one of the first things we heard today – as a report has predicted that we’re heading for a major, global shortage of everyone’s favourite sweet stuff – all because we like it far too, too much (who can blame us?!)

Apparently our current farming practices mean cocoa farmers cannot keep up with the demand and this, in turn, will lead to a chocolate deficit in the next few years.

Cue all round yells of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

The typical Western consumer eats 286 chocolate bars on average each year, which means suppliers need to plant a whopping ten cocoa trees for every sweet-toothed person. Augustus Gloop, we hear, has his own forest…

Twitter has reacted suitably and gone into meltdown, tweeting their fear while presumably stuffing as much of the stuff into their mouths, as quickly as they can…



 

READ MORE: 17 Things You’ll Only Know If You’re Addicted To Chocolate

Between this, the gin shortage and the upcoming prosecco shortage it feels like everything good is running out… I mean you never read the headline GLOBAL SPROUTS SHORTAGE or KALE RUNNING OUT FAST.

Luckily, the shortage isn’t set to kick in for the next few years. Which means we fully plan on making this Easter the most chocolatey yet. Eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Blame the shortage. Thieving the box our boyfriend’s mum sent him? Blame the shortage. Drinking way too many chocolate based cocktails on a Monday night? Blame the shortage.

Hmm, maybe it’s not as bad as we thought…