25 Things We Learnt From Festivals

Festival season is upon us. We’re excited. But this time we’re going prepared. Here’s a few lessons we’ve learnt from ravin’ it up in a field over the years…

1.    Don’t pee in someone else’s tent porch. You will get busted. 

2.    If you’re petite, the tallest man ever – taller than Michael Jordan – will stand in front of you. 

3.    Crowd surfing is painful and normally ends in tears. 

4.    Know how a she-wee works before trying it. 

5.    Guide-rope-negotiation, when drunk, is very hard. 

6.    Stones get everywhere. In sleeping bags, in wellies, in hair. 

7.    Inflatable beds NEVER stay inflated. FACT. 

8.    Moshing is painful and normally ends in tears. 

9.    Wellies are fun to wear.  

10.    A ‘baby-wipe’ shower makes you feel sticky. 

11.    Rain. IT SUCKS.

12.    You will lose everyone you know, and party for at least an hour of your life with strangers. 

13.    Mud gets everywhere. 

14.    If a nice man offers you a free cider, politely decline. It’s probably his wee. 

15.    Dry shampoo is the best invention EVER. 

16.    Floral headbands give you dodgy tan lines on your forehead. 

17.    Sitting on someone’s shoulders makes you feel 10 times cooler than you normally feel. 

18.    Hangovers + hot tents = human torture.  

19.    Luxury Portaloos don’t exist.  

20.    Your favourite bands are always fitter in real life. 

21.    Lasers are AWESOME. 

22.    Festival food is the best food in the world! 

23.    Never put your wristband on your ‘loo’ hand. We needn’t say more. 

24.    Men always look fitter in festival hats and sunnies. 

25.    Festivals are frickin’ awesome. 

By Lydia Southern, 22nd April 2013 

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