We’re instant gratification kinda girls over here at LOOK. If we want chocolate, WE WANT CHOCOLATE RIGHT BLOODY NOW DON’T GET IN OUR WAY. So it’s with intense relief, after months of angry waiting, that we’re here to tell you that Bachelorette is finally in UK cinemas today!
Hailed as the new Bridesmaids, Rebel Wilson, Lizzy Caplan, Isla Fisher and Kirsten Dunst are all in this one definitely-going-to-be-brilliant film about a group of friends trying to survive the most disastrous hen do ever. So what better way of celebrating the release than to make a list of terrible ideas for your next hen do?
Rhetorical question – there is no better way.
1. Tequila! TEQUILA! Tequila for everyone! Tequila by the bucketload! Tequila for racist Grandma!
2. Inviting racist Grandma.
3. Booking a stripper who takes a liking to racist Grandma and keeps grinding on her Zimmer frame.
4. Hosting it in January (“Sorry babes, on a detox.” “I have no money.” “Hibernating until the sun reappears.” “I hate humanity right now.”)
5. Games involving ex-boyfriends and cameo appearances from said ex-boyfriends.
6. Live-tweeting the night: “Soooooooooooooooo drunkgotin a igloo hat. What happens to fish?”
7. “Hey everyone! Let’s tell those large, angry-looking locals how rubbish their town is!”
8. “Hey everyone! Let’s tie the bride to that lamppost – naked! She’ll think it’s hilarious in the morning!”
9. “Hey everyone! Let’s jokily kidnap that hot guy over there and keep him in my basement, only remembering he’s down there a week and a half later!”
10. Drunkenly deciding now is the perfect time to tell the bride marrying “that ugly loser” is a terrible mistake.
11. Getting angry about the bride texting her groom, so throwing her entire handbag – including her phone – into the bar’s giant, fancy fish tank. Although that will be a good lesson to the owners not to have pretentious fish tanks in their bars.
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12. Deciding you need to photgraphically document every little bit of the night for Facebook – including the maid of honour throwing up tequila over racist Grandma and the stripper, and the bride cosying up to the fit guy you’re planning to kidnap later.
All done. Now get out of the way, we need chocolate.
By Lucy Vine