10 Songs From The 90s You Don’t Remember Being So Creepy

Ah, remember how great nostalgia is? But sometimes, with those rose-tinted specs on, you think of your boyfriend at 16 as the guy who brought flowers to your chemistry lesson, and forget that he was also the guy who cried for nine solid hours and ripped the heads off all your old Barbies when you broke up. And just like him, we’ve all forgotten that these nineties songs, which we all loved and spent a lot of time with, are actually creepy. Here, LOOK‘s Lucy Vine takes a look at them…

 

1. End Of The Road, Boyz II Men


“Girl you know we belong together, I don’t have time for you to be playing with my heart like this, You’ll be mine forever baby, You just wait.”

No Boyz II Men YOU just wait. For us to call the police.

 


“You belong to me, I belong to you”

That’s called co-dependence. And we’re pretty sure psychologists agree it does not make for a healthy relationship.

 


“All those times at night when you just hurt me, and just ran out with that other fella, baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care.”

Wait, so wait. She was openly cheating on you? Leaving you in bed at night to go meet up with someone else? And you not only didn’t tell her to stop, you pretended you didn’t know, and now you’re saying YOU’RE FINE WITH IT?

 


“I’m not about to go out on cheat you, just like you did, but baby that’s alright, I love you anyway, and I’m still going to be here for you until my dying day. We should be happy together forever.”

More like Boyz II Psychos, amiright?

 

2. What’s Up, 4 Non-Blondes


“I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed, just to get it all out – what’s in my head. And I, I am feeling a little peculiar. And so I wake in the morning, and I step outside, and I take a deep breath and I get real high, and I scream from the top of my lungs, ‘What’s going on?’ And I say: HEY! yeah yeaaah, HEY yeah yeah. I said hey, what’s going on? And I say: ‘HEY! yeah yeaaah, HEY yeah yeah. I said hey, what’s going on? Ooh, ooh, ooooooooooooooooh. ooh, ooh ooooooooooooooooh .”

 

It is a Sunday. Stop screaming outside.

 

3. Kiss The Rain, Billie Myers


“Hello, can you hear me?”

“Hi babe, yep, I can hear you.”


“Am I getting through to you?”

“Yep, still here, babe.”


“Hello, is it late there?”

“It’s 7.34pm. And you know we’re still in the same time zone? I’m on a work trip to Birmingham.”


“Is there laughter on the line? Are you sure you’re there alone?”

“Actually Nigel from accounts is watching Modern Family on my telly.”


“’Cause I’m trying to explain. Something’s wrong. You just don’t sound the same. Why don’t you, why don’t you, go outside, go outside. Kiss the rain…”

“Wait, what?”


“Whenever you need me, kiss the rain. Whenever I’m gone too long. If your lips feel lonely and thirsty, kiss the rain, and wait for the dawn.”

“…Is this a joke? I don’t think it’s actually even raining.”


“Keep in mind, we’re under the same sky.”

“Babe, I know that. You’re the one who thought we were in a different time zone.”


And the night’s, as empty for me as for you. If you feel you can’t wait till morning, kiss the rain, kiss the rain, kiss the rain.”

“I think we should break up.”

 

4. The Boy Is Mine, Brandy & Monica


[Brandy] “Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute?”



[Monica] “Uh huh, sure, you know you look kinda familiar.”



[Brandy] “Yeah, you do too but, umm, I just wanted to know, do you know somebody named… you know his name.”



[Monica] “Oh, yeah definitely I know his name.”



[Brandy] “I just wanted to let you know he’s mine.”



[Monica] “Huh..no no, he’s mine.”

 

Come on ladies, you’re both attractive women, with your awesome-cool chokers that will be back in fashion any day now, have some self-respect. Dump this cheating loser. Or – actually – maybe one of you should’ve confirmed his name, because it might not be the same guy you’re talking about.

 

5. All That She Wants, Ace of Base


“Beware of what is flashing in her eyes, she’s going to get you…


All that she wants is another baby, she’s gone tomorrow boy


All that she wants is another baby


All that she wants is another baby, she’s gone tomorrow boy


All that she wants is another baby


All that she wants is another baby, she’s gone tomorrow boy


All that she wants is another baby


All that she wants is another baby, she’s gone tomorrow boy


All that she wants is another baby


All that she wants – all that she wants.”

 

Srsly?

 

6. Promise Me, Beverley Craven


“You light up another cigarette and I pour the wine. It’s four o’clock in the morning, and it’s starting to get light. Now I’m right where I want to be, losing track of time.”


 

Fourteen words before, you said what the time was, you’re deliberately being annoying.

 

7. Africa, Toto


“I hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation. She’s coming in 12:30 flight. The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation. I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say, ‘Hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you’.”

 

What? What’s waiting for you? Where are these drums you’re the only one who can hear? What flight? Who is this old man? Who is this girl you’re going to be late picking up from the airport because you wanted to get some ancient melodies from an old dude trying to get to the Post Office before it shuts?

 


“The wild dogs cry out in the night , as they grow restless longing for some solitary company. I know that I must do what’s right, as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become.”

 

Solitary company? How is that not just nonsense?

 

8. MMMBop, Hanson




?


?


?


?


?



 

LITERALLY JUST A SERIES OF NOISES.

 

9. As Long As You Love Me, Backstreet Boys


“I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me… Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run.”

 

This is the beautiful story of a man who is “risking it all in a glance.” Except that it’s not beautiful, it’s creepy. He sees this girl – possibly on a bus once or something – that he fancies. Her personality is unimportant, even – and this is quite an important point – if she happens to be an escaped criminal, a murderer, a violent psychopath, a tax dodger. Whatever her situation, he still wants to date her.

 

He’s also being really needy 🙁

 

10. All My Life, K-Ci & JoJo


“I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than you. Girl you are close to me, you’re like my mother, close to me you’re like my father, close to me you’re like my sister, close to me you’re like my brother.”

 

Well that’s awkward.

 


And one that makes total sense to us

 

By Lucy Vine

 

 

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