What’s the worst thing about commuting? Is it getting up early? Late trains? Not getting a seat? Those are all equally terrible but the actual answer is ‘other people’.
That’s right, travelling into work wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for all those people clogging up your train carriage. All those inconsiderate, smelly, loud, mouth-breathing people with all their annoying commuting habits.
The funny thing is that everyone feels that way. To the person next to you, the same level of contempt is felt toward you as you to them. It’s a weird kind of unity that binds commuters together but can also tear them apart at any moment.
A survey conducted for Channel Five and reported by The Standard, revealed the top seven most annoying commuting habits.
1. Pushing onto trains without letting others off first
Bear in mind that if you stand by the side and let other people empty out of a carriage you can plan your manoeuvre toward a seat more tactically. But no, as with most commuting habits, selfishness trumps any reason or compassion.
2. Not moving down inside the carriage
Again, if you just follow the rules, you can increase you chances of actually getting a seat. Because the gangway of a tube carriage can only fit one person like peas in a pod, you’ll actually have more room around you if you move down the carriage.
3. Eating on the tube
Fair enough, if it’s a packet of crisps or a sandwich because you won’t have time to eat later on, ignore those leers, eat away. However, if it’s 9:30am and you’re tucking into some smelly KFC, you need to reassess your life.
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The act of males spreading their legs and taking up an inordinate amount of space. This has nothing (repeat nothing) to do with making nether-regions comfortable. For exceptionally tall people, they have an excuse.
However, if you’re sat next to a man under 6’1″ with his legs spread unreasonably, smash him in the jangles and tell him to be more considerate next time. Take no prisoners.
5. Playing loud music
You need a license to busk for a reason. Nobody is going to hear your terribly mixed Jungle-House playlist out of your phone speaker and think “man, this guy needs a slot at Propaganda”.
6. Loud conversations
Use your inside voices, Children.