The Story Of A First Date With Donald Trump

You can’t judge a person on who they date, we all make mistakes. While most people have a few stalker stories, some funny, some sinister, Lucy Klebanow’s bad first date story was once considered funny. It’s now taken a whole new sinister turn.

Writing for Salon, Klebanow bravely penned her account of the night she went on a date with Tangerine Hate-Monger and President-Elect, Donald Trump.

Like we said, everyone makes mistakes in their dating life.

The full account is very long so we’ll condense the best/worst moments below. Prepare yourself to for maximum creasing.

“It was the early 1970s. I was about 23 at the time and he was in his late 20s. We met through friends talking at a bar. So I met a nice guy through friends at the bar and he asked me for my telephone number. He called me the next day and asked me out.”

So far so good, right? No mocking of the disabled as of yet – it can only go downhill.

“A white Cadillac convertible pulled up. My date leaned over and said, “Hop in.” I didn’t know what to make of this. I lived in NYC and nobody ever picked me up in a car except to go to the airport. I was too surprised and flustered to be impressed.”

“He was nice looking, not handsome, but nice. Preppy. Normal. Not a conversationalist, but neither was I. I didn’t think he was very bright.”

Savage.

“The check came but the restaurant didn’t take credit cards. My date couldn’t pay for the dinner. This was the first thing I could relate to all evening.”

“He was stunned and embarrassed. I said, “Let’s get aprons and do the dishes. It would be fun.” His face was horror-stricken. He was flustered. Relax, I have the money.”

And now here’s the absolute kicker. Did he pay her back for the dinner? The man that pulled up in white Cadillac?

NOPE.

“He never did. That may tell you something about my date with Donald Trump. Should he get to the White House, I would love to be paid back with interest.”

You hear that, Donny? Add that to your ever-mounting pile of debt.