From the headline alone you know this article is going to be the embodiment of treason. Talking smack about Disneyland is the equivalent of throwing a bag of puppies down an escalator. But the truth is out there and we need to pull back the curtain to see where Disney’s influence came from for all those great villains.

It’s important to remember that while the movies are still produced with fairy-dust, the theme parks are the commercial output of a global corporation so naturally there are going to be some sinister elements.

You have to wonder what’s really going on behind those giant costumes and behind the ‘magic’, this is the true Disneyland story according to past and present employees.

1. The costumes are living hell

As you could imagine, covering yourself in a cotton/heavy polyester bodysuit is pretty hellish. They absorb pretty much every drop of sweat you exude and absolutely reek.

Employees literally have to change their diets to account for the amount of sweat they lose on a shift.

You’re on a 30 minute on and off shift which could be reduced if it’s above 37 degrees… but the kids need their characters regardless of your health.

2. Adults are hell-bent on ruining the fun

Numerous employees talk about how parents would try to ruin the illusion of the characters like they’re uncovering a conspiracy or something. Parents have been found stalking employees into staff areas to see them slip their head-off. Who are these people? Did they pay for the pleasure of ruining their kid’s day? You didn’t need to go to Disneyland for that.

3. Parents will abandon their kids

Seeing as you can drink in 3/4 Disneylands and Disneyworlds, parents will just leave their kids in the care of suited employees. What can go wrong leaving your first born to a 22 year old dressed like Mickey Mouse with zero access to opposable thumbs.

4. You have to stay in character

It doesn’t matter if Hercules’ cape catches alight and burn down the Pirates of The Carribean, if you’re Ariel, you have to react to the situation as Ariel. In order to keep the illusion upheld and keep the kids having a good time, it really helps having infallible characters on their support team.

5. Despite everything, the employees love their jobs

The joy of bringing a smile to a child’s face is something only a job like this could provide. And, for the most part, makes all the nightmarish heat and abuse worth it.