15 General Life Tips That You *Need* To Start Ignoring

Where has conventional wisdom and ‘life tips’ ever got us? In fact, every great development in human history has started with going against the grain. Remember how we used to think the sun revolved around us? Putting jeans in the freezer might be considered the Copernican Revolution of our times!

The Guardian have put together a hefty list of general tips that we should be ignoring. Things like owning a landline, learning to drive, collecting CDs – guess what? You’ve been wasting your time!

Here are 15 life tips that you need to give up right now!

1. Getting your five-a-day

The government advises that we eat five portions of fruit and veg a day but when should you trust the government on anything. Especially considering this number changes depending on what country you’re in.

2. Vitamin C tablets

This study found that taking these orange capsules will do nothing to prevent a cold. It might help if you’re on a 19th century ship and scurvy is a real threat – but that’s a big ‘might’.

3. Flossing

There’s substantial evidence that suggests that flossing is helpful at all. Your dentist is obviously in the pocket of Oral-B. We’re onto you.

4. Washing your jeans

Washing your jeans “ruins the fit, dye and quality of the denim”, they say to stick your jeans in the freezer. But thats gross and cold. Wash your damn jeans,

5. Having a landline

Unless you want to call your Gran or talk to telemarketers late into the night, bin it.

6. Washing your hair every day

“Nobody in history of the world washed their hair as much as we do now”. We’re overdoing it. Every couple of days is fine.

7. Peeling veg

All the good fibres are found in the peel so what are you playing at?

8. Using words

So this one might be a bit abstract but seeing as Emoji is now the fastest-growing language in history and is totally universal across the world, you might want to get fluent.

9. Ordering anything from the top-right corner of a menu

Since we’re naturally compelled to look here, restaurants will typically place their most profitable item there. Profitable meaning ‘cheapest for me/most expensive to you’.

10. Expiry dates

Think of them more as guidelines. Unless it starts to smell or develop mould, it’s definitely still eatable.

11. Antivirus software

Popular brands of this software have massive holes in them that would probably not stop any attack on your computer and files, according to the US Department of Homeland Security. You’re better off just keeping backups of everything important.

12. Visiting a travel agent

You can always find better deals online.

13. Learning to drive

Supposedly, the next decade will see a huge boost in public transport making driving yourself an outmoded method of transportation.

14. Stretching before exercise

The NHS say that doing your static stretches is unlikely to prevent any injuries but will just make you more flexible.

15. Reading the news

“According to Professor Graham Davey, consuming a non-stop torrent of negative news stories can significantly contribute to the deterioration of your mood, and to the development of depression, anxiety, stress and PTSD.” Yikes.