Okay. So you’ve been through the stress of trying to secure a ticket. You’ve borrowed your parents tent and promised that it’ll be back in time for their annual weekend in the Peak District…intact, and not smelling like burgers. You’ve done the car-pooled supermarket haul and now have enough baby wipes/granola bars/bin liners to survive a zombie apocolypse. There is only one pressing thing left to tackle before you head off into a field for five days…
Yep, your boyfriends/brothers/boy mates may roll their eyes in that exasperated ‘seriously‘ kind of way, but planning one’s threads is PARAMOUNT to how well your festival is going to pan out, because let’s face it, we don’t want to to get all the way there and feel usurped by other girls who have totally upped their style game.
Festi-envy is a real thing guys – and explains why you felt the need to drop thirty quid at a dodgy campsite stall because you saw some chick rocking a fuzzy lion’s head hat and simply HAD to have one too.
We’ve all tried these trends. We’ve probably all failed spectacularly. Take a look at some of the below and identify your signature gig get-up…
Kate Moss really did start a revolution back in the noughties with her Hunter wellies/denim cut off combo, and to be honest, festival chic begins and ends with Mossy. It’s all in the way she nonchalantly throws on a jersey dress, a sequined blazer, a mannish waistcoat and suddenly BOOM: a new festival trend is born. This new ‘it’ item will now be shamelessly peddled and copied all the way from Glasto to Green Man. Doesn’t matter that it’s often a stupidly impractical garment, especially when worn in lashing rain/hail/sub-zero temperatures.
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Essential Piece Of Kit: Has to be a pair of Hunters dahling.
The Boho Babe
Okay, in theory this trend sounds good. Lots of flowing, billowy fabric that totally channels our inner Stevie Nicks/Florence Welch vibe. Crowned with our statement floral headdresses we float from stage to stage in fringing and lace feeling very ethereal…and then, it rains. A lot. Suddenly our vintage broderie dress is dragging through a swamp, taking on water faster than a leaky dinghy, and anything fringed becomes completely impractical from a hygiene point of view when trying to answer the call of nature or eat a Pieminister. A massive sense of humour failure usually follows.
Essential Piece Of Kit: Sheer maxis and fringed gilets.
You know who you are girls. That ‘I’m With The Band’ look can only be truly nailed by a chick that knows what it’s like (however momentarily) to date a musician. Whether it’s driving them to a gig (his cousin’s wedding) in your mum’s Ford Focus, customising his acid-wash denim gilet, or flogging his demo CDs to the kids loitering outside the local chippy, these girls have worked hard to coin their swagger because they know what it’s like to LOVE music. And in return, they become muse, confident, and designated driver. And look totally rad doing it.
Essential Piece Of Kit: The battered band tee. Wrestled from the previous GF obvs.
The Girl Scout
Ah, the girl scout. How we love you. This is the ‘be prepared’ friend that arrives on site after buying up the whole of Millets, armed with a camping stove, waders, bug spray, thermals, tins of beans, plasters et all, wrapped up like Bear Grylls in the kind of firm and sensible mackintosh your pops would be proud of. ‘Oh, the hilarity of her forethought’ we titter as we skip off to see Pharrell in our feathered bralets and ludicrously short hotpants. Fast forward to 4am Saturday, the heavens have opened, your fly lumo make-up now looks like some toddler has totally gone AWOL on your face, and your mate’s naff jacket is looking more and more like salvation with every passing second…
Essential Piece Of Kit: The all weather rain mac.
Because being out in the English countryside can sometimes call for tweeds and slacks (even when you are surrounded by a group of lads dressed like Smurfs) this trend calls for sharp dressing and luxe lifestyle tailoring whilst beating back the customary festival muck. Championed by the likes of Alexa Chung, this somewhat niche look flirts a little with the Fashionista tribe, but ultimately sticks to its rural-chic roots. Think heritage prints, capes and jodhpur-style pants, all smartened up with a spritz of posh totty.
Essential Piece Of Kit: A sharp statement waistcoat. Maybe some braces.
The Spandex Set
Like Jane Fonda meets Mr Motivator, these girls travel in disco pairs (to aid with toilet breaks) and are quite often found holding up the silent disco on the final morning, calling out for more Baby G and refusing to go home. Liable to break into impromptu lunges at varying intervals, these chicks are staying power personified. Plus, getting in and out of a spandex onesie whilst crouched in a three-day-used portaloo? That takes commitment.
Essential Piece Of Kit: Spandex. Anything spandex.
These are the awesome die-hard garment gurus that try and rock every festival trend ever imagined, all at once. Tie-dye, glitter, henna tattoos, bumbags, novelty welly socks, you name it, this gal has one in every colour…with bells on. And the reason we love her? She isn’t frightened to chuck all on all of these random trophy pieces at any one time, adding to her unique circus-come-crazy lady appeal. Plus, she’ll paint your face, spray your hair neon green, and fashion a novelty hat for you out of beer cans and patterned tights. She rules.
Essential Piece Of Kit: Anything, so long as it’s purchased on site.