An Open Letter To My Period

Dear period, 

I remember when we first met…

You rocked up on the eve of my 10th birthday, when my I was in the house alone with my dad. REALLY. Thanks for that. 

I don’t know who was freaking out more; my clumsy self, or my very red-faced father. 

OH CRINGE. 

Dear period, 

You were a fictional monster I had only read about in text books.

I admit I had giggled over you with my prepubescent school friends.

Little did I know you would pretty much ruin my life. I guess you got the last laugh, eh? 

Dear period, 

It’s your fault that I had to beg for a note to change in a seperate room for P.E at primary school. 

Didn’t anybody tell you that it’s way cooler to arrive fashionably late? 

Dear period, 

That time you were an annoying attention seeker at the swimming pool was not cool.

You are not a good holiday companion. 

Dear period, 

Thank you for ruining my best white jeans from French Connection. You owe me £85. 

Dear period, 

My boyfriend also dislikes you. He curses your name (literally) for roughly one week out of the month. 

Dear period, 

Thanks to you, not only can I not have sex, but I also can’t get to sleep… 

WHAT CAN I DO AT NIGHT TIME?

Dear period, 

My light summer bed sheets aren’t exactly a fan of you either… 

Dear period, 

I hate that you get the credit for my outbursts.

I’m actually pretty sassy, I’ll have you know. 

Dear period, 

Ok. I don’t want to be a complete bitch. You’re actually a pretty good excuse to binge on hearty foods.

Did somebody say steak and chips? 

Dear period, 

It’s actually super nice of you to remind me that I’m not pregnant every month. Goals. 

Dear period, 

I guess we’re stuck with each other. So let’s just make the best of it… 

By Laura Jane Turner