There’s no denying that first dates are one of the most awkward situations you’ll ever have to go through. Even if you fancy the pants off of your dinner companion, and they’re actually really interesting to talk to, there’s always that moment of sheer silence where you’d rather say anything that remain quiet. But what we’d REALLY like to ask our dates compared to what we discuss in reality couldn’t be more different. Here’s the questions we’d use to grill our date, if they were only considered socially appropriate…
1. What’s your relationship like with your mother?
Sure, you want them to do close, but we all saw Psycho…
2. Do you have any tattoos?
A Chinese symbol on the bicep is one thing, but a full tiger scrawled across his chest is a whole other issue. Soz, Ed.
3. When was the last time you cried?
Are we talking last year when your friend got married, last week at the cinema or five minutes ago when you stood in some gum?
4. What was the last book/interesting article you read?
And no, The Lad Bible does not count.
5. How do you feel about spending your Saturdays in Zara/Topshop/the shops?
Because if this thing pans out, that this going to become a regular thing.
6. What’s your stance on chicken nuggets?
This is what they call a classic make or break scenario.
7. How many murders have you witnessed?
No, this is not a trick question.
8. What was the last photo you snapped on your iPhone?
9. How many cute animal accounts do you follow on Instagram?
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If it’s less than two, it ain’t happening. If it’s more than six, it ain’t happening. Get the balance right, people.
10. Do you understand the importance of being someone’s lobster?
No? This date is OVER.
11. Are you going to pay?
That’s basically the entire reason I’m here.
12. Did you look me up online before this date?
Because I SO didn’t Google you frantically on the bus here…
13. Why did you and your last partner break up?
Arguably the most important question of all.